Friday, January 11, 2013

Hypophrenia

I am allergic to the full spectrum of human emotion. But since there is always an exception to every rule, I am all too acquainted with misery. It settles in when I have been somewhere for a long while. Interestingly enough, it took me decades to understand it but I was fully aware of it as a child. What 6 year old is dreaming of seeing the world and moving to a big city, right?. I was insane even then. I wanted so much more than I was able to even dream about. Yet, today I find myself enveloped by that same misery I knew at 9 years old and an attempt was made to teach me how to make tortillas because I would have to make them for my future husband. I remember rebelling against those teachings and bowing to staying out of the kitchen until it was absolutely necessary, which came to happen while in my second year of college,10 years later. Today, I know that misery triggered by not belonging, but for a different reason. I wasn’t made to remain immobile in the same city for long periods of time. Today, I realized it has been 2 years since I left the last time. Yes, there were small trips during those 2 years, but they lack the challenge. They lacked the ability to really show me something that would inspire me. All they did was increase my desire to fly away.
A Mexican singer wrote a poem I recently heard that says something along the lines of, life might be short but I live it wide... I love the road...I suffer from an illeness called dreamer and wanderer and that illness can only be cured by the roads in the world.*

xo,R
©2013


*Original text by Joan Sebastian: "La vida puede ser corta, pero yo la vivo ancha... En verdad amo el camino... Padezco de un mal llamado soñador y vagabundo y ese mal sólo se cura por los caminos del mundo."

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xo,R