Saturday, January 14, 2012

Second Wind

I sit here forcing myself to retrace my steps, my words, my very thoughts as if that would shed clarity on the past. It won't. I can only see myself then from the present and judge who I was based on the aftermath. Those experiences are not longer pure. They have been tainted by history. Nevertheless, I attempt to use them as the base of my current words... there is so much to be said. There is so much to be analyzed, so much that should be perhaps forgotten, but which will remain clearly instilled in my memory. I am not supposed to forget. There is much to be remembered because it is the essence of what I am writing.
I think about what I could have done different and why I should have done so often. It is not something one can easily forget. After it is done, there are a million other options that become available. It takes too long to do so something one really wants after one decides to do it. But no matter how long, it is never long enough to plan it properly. A suitable blue print is never an option. One must simply do/follow the idea, the need, the desire blindly to the point of no return where no is not an acceptable answer.
I am ready for the second wind. I am ready to fly away.


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