Thursday, December 1, 2011

Crisis: Location

There is one question I ask myself often: Why am I not in Paris? The answer is always the same: I am not in Paris because I am weak. Cliché? Perhaps. But one day that question will be: Why didn't I move here before; and, the answer will be: because I was weak. I cannot wait for that day.
Lately, the question resonates more powerfully. I am having an existential crisis... yet again. It is not longer a matter of want or obsession. It has become a need. I am tormented by a simple thought: Maybe halfway across the world is exactly where I need to be.
It is like my mind is playing tricks on me telling me that returning is the way to go. But when I think of returning I am not sure to what exactly: a place or a psychological state. It is like a self-inflicted torture driven by a fleeing moment of passed bliss. The dilemma is that if I want to return then why would I have come back for in the first place? I know why I left the first time. I know why I returned. I just don't understand why I had to return to know why I shouldn't have come back.


Picture by NV.

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