Friday, September 30, 2011

Panic

Then she opened her eyes and was blinded by the brightness, so she closed them while taking a deep breath. “Ok, let's try this again,” she told herself as she opened them again. Nothing had changed. She began to look around in confusion. Was she really seeing what she thought she was? It could not be. It was impossible. But somehow she knew that a third time would not be the charm and if she closed her eyes again, nothing would have changed once she reopened them.
It was time to think quickly. But her train of thought was derailed at the moment she stumbled upon a revelation. She didn’t know what she had to think about. The light distracted her. She felt confusion cover her as a blanket in a chilly morning: welcomed as an excuse, but it had to be discarded.
Screaming was definitely not the answer. Pounding the door was not exactly an option.
“What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?” She repeated out loud while she stared at the window as if she could simply will herself to be on the side of the glass. The window was so far away. Unreachable. Impossible to stare at it from the other side. Not by her. 
A knock in the door startled her. Before she realized it, there was a shadow slowly moving inside the room. She remembered. Ugh! How did I end up here again? How do I get out again? 
-Good morning Angela.
-Morning? Is that why you are here? I don’t have time for such mundane details.
-Come on now. There is no time to play. Are you going to tell me why you are here today? 
-I will do you one better. Tell me what you want to hear and I will give you my best public speaking performance. 
-Is that what you want? 
-Yes. Frankly, I don't have time for this. I need guidelines so this is painless and I can walk passed that door and never look back. 
-Is that what you think? You cannot simply waltz out of here by telling me a thing or two. It is going to be... different. 
-Aw, the rules of the game have changed? 
-This is not a game. 
-It is... to me. How many times must I repeat myself? I am not very fond of these walls nor your presence. 
-Until you can talk about it, I am afraid nothing will change. Why are you here? 
-Why does that even matter? I will be on the other side. I can’t be here. 
-Why did you come back? 
-I missed you! -she said as she rolled her eyes in dismissal- isn’t your job to figure that out? 
-How long do you plan to be here this time? 
-I get to choose. Lovely. I would like to leave now. 
-Now is not on the current options. 
-Is there anything I can get now? You out of here, for example. 
-This is not your office, nor your house. 
-My money is paying for these four walls to keep me trapped. So I can tell you to get out. 
-Have you not learned anything yet? 
-What do you think? 
-I am asking the questions here. 
Angela turned around and stared at the window again. 
-I will be back. 
-As always. 
Then she woke up in panic.
xo, R
©2011

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