Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt

Despite the beauty attempts might possess, if there are not any results -positive or negative-, they are still failures. In the particular case in question, to simplify, I epically failed at acquiring any means of future communication from the boy. In the long version of this story, I decided in an impulse that it was now or never last Friday as I made my way back to my residence in cubicle world from lunch. I saw him in the hallway and I thought: if I don’t talk to him now, I will never do it. But he disappeared. I breathed deeply as a form of embracing a twisted relief. Then, he was back as quickly as he had gone. I went through about one million times of telling myself to talk to him and the not to in about four seconds. I over analyzed the situation in those four seconds as well, but at the end the impulse triumphed over my momentarily unnecessary reasoning.
So I did. I talked to him.
We had a naturally flowing conversation that lasted about ten minutes and interestingly enough touched upon various topics. But I epically failed at asking for a way to contact him as well as at successfully conveying the message that I wasn’t just talking to him, but actually asking him out. There is also the possibility that he failed to understand that message or chose to ignore it for whatever reasons. Regardless of whether the message was transmitted and ignored or unsuccessfully communicated, there is not an excuse for not asking for future means of contact. To add to the failure, last Friday was precisely his last day at cubicle world. You might be wondering why I did not just give him my number instead of asking for his. The answer is simple: I did not think about that possibility at the moment.
Despite having failed at the reaching the main goal of the conversation, I am rather proud of this event. I would like to have a way to contact him, of course. But at this moment all that matters is that though I wanted to, I would have never imagined I would actually talk to him. 
You might think practice makes perfect; and, while that might be so, practice also provides with other opportunities to fail. One cannot go throw life practicing; it is far too short for that. One must simply do whether one succeeds or fails.
Nevertheless, there is a certain beauty in the attempts.


One more thing, I failed at bringing cooking utensils and the like from my parents’ house. I need to be creative with whatever cold food I can make for lunch.

 

xoxo,
R


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